The Amateur Negotiator’s Top 20 Boners, Part III
Robert Menard, Certified Purchasing Professional, Certified Professional Purchasing Consultant
Editor’s note: this is Part III of a three Part series on a score of classic mistakes that mark the user as an amateur. Click Part I or Part II to see more of the Top 20 Boners.
14. Arguing Save that for the lawyers. Negotiation involves only two, reasonable and willing, parties. If your negotiation efforts and skills fail, you’ll have plenty of time to add an expensive third party litigant.
15. Losing self-control This puts the other guy in control. The justification that I hear most often is that, “He made me so mad.” Horse feathers! No one can make you mad; you have to let him or her do it to you. If I can drive you to an emotional reaction, I can manipulate you and I can control you. Why would you ever give that much control to a perfect stranger?
16. Impatience This is a weapon we often donate as a free gift for the other side to use against us. If our impatience is caused by lack of preparation, or advancing deadline, we have another problem. Otherwise, be prepared to listen patiently. Stalling is an instinctive tactic when the other side senses impatience.
17. Threatening You can often tip your hand on strategy by threatening alternative actions. Take a clue from Washington diplomats who never rule any option in or out, and thus never threaten anything. If they announced their military preparedness, for instance, they might unwittingly put their forces in harm’s way
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18. Belittling and Grandstanding There is never any room for this in professional negotiation circles. It is clear lack of respect, and invites retaliation. You would not be at the table if you did not want something, so why make it harder for yourself?
19. Having no clearly defined walk away position. Winging it is a sure nosedive to failure. The ultimate power in negotiation is the ability to say “No”, and to live with the deal. Do you remember Alice in Wonderland? When Alice came to the fork in the road, and the White Rabbit asked her where she wanted to go, Alice answered, “I don’t know”. Advised the White Rabbit in reply, “Then, any road will get you there”. Alice was not much of a negotiator.
20. Misunderstanding power In seminars, I will ask buyers, “Who has more power in buy/sell settings?” Virtually always, the immediate response is, “The buyer”. To which I pose this follow up question, “Well, why then are we negotiating with them if we have all this power?” Power is truly in the perception. If you think that you have it, you have it. Do not assume that the other guy has more.
The good news is that not making these twenty mistakes in the course of your every day commerce will vastly improve your negotiation skills. The better news is that it doesn’t cost $100,000,000 to learn them!