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Negotiation as a Life Skill: Lessons Learned

 

Robert Menard,  Certified Purchasing Professional, Certified Professional Purchasing Consultant, Certified Green Purchasing Professional, Certified Professional Purchasing Manager

Robert Menard
Certified Purchasing Professional,
Certified Professional Purchasing Consultant, Certified Green Purchasing Professional, Certified Professional Purchasing Manager

Editor’s Note:  This is the fourth and final part of a series on using professional negotiation skills as applied to personal life.  The tone is intended to be light and instructive but ultimately demonstrates just how critically important your negotiation skills can be in this entirely (certainly so) “hypothetical” story.  See also the Set Up of Part 1  Research, Planning and Strategy of Part 2, and the Denouement of Part 3.  

There are many negotiations lessons to glean from this life experience.  Let’s recite some of the most prominent in chronological order. 

 1.   The discomfort of personal negotiation     I see this as akin to the lawyer’s adage, “He who represents himself has a fool for a client.”  A sure trip wire is the emotional investment.  Protecting one’s child certainly qualifies and can be a disabling factor.  The Duck Metaphor can be balanced out by resort to professional training and experience.  Both are required but the training especially so.  Soldiers, athletes, physicians, actors, indeed pros of any stripe reach and maintain the pinnacle by constant training and practice.    

Children are a work in progress.  I like to say that I am still improving, evidence that God is not done with me yet.  We owe our children the benefit of our wisdom.  Were Jane’s parents upset?  Of course, but they closed ranks and resorted to dad’s training and experience fight back and win against the bureaucratic behemoth.   

2.   Research, planning, and strategy       This is where the training of a real pro pays off.  The research practiced every day in sourcing, qualifying, and evaluating suppliers is a continuous part of our negotiation planning.  It is second nature to us.  Knowing your supplier is not necessarily an adversarial pursuit.  However, some times the other party will not be as invested in Win-Win  negotiation strategy as are we and they become an adversary, which changes our strategy.  We turn our research and planning against them in such cases. 

3.   In Win-Lose situations, exploit the opponent’s weaknesses       In this case, the college personnel were ignorant of their own policies and procedures.  The predictable result was constant violation, an unfortunate situation which set them up for a potential colossal failure. 

Jane at 14

Jane at 14

4.   Surprises are not necessarily bad     A fact not disclosed in the story was that Jane had withheld a piece of information from dad because she thought it was damaging.  Damaging information may be inconvenient but must be known so preparation can be made to soften any bad impact.  There were two surprises in this case, one with Lilly and the other with Abe.  We already know about Abe’s pleasant surprise.

Lilly confronted dad with a silly letter written by Jane that contained admissions against her interests.  Lilly pretended that the hand written letter was a smoking gun when it was little more than a rubber band on a finger gun.  Dad was able to disarm the weapon but the effort was a needless diversion of energy.  Jane learned never to withhold valuable information, whether or not that information was considered damaging.  

5.   The parallel to being an expert witness in purchasing               Google “expert witness in purchasing” and depending on the day, mine or the American Purchasing Society’s name comes up in four of the five first organic results.  Expert witnesses are rare indeed – an expert witness in purchasing is close to unique.  An expert witness is valuable to attorneys even when the news is bad because it changes the legal strategy.  Often, bad news is an inducement to settle, whether for plaintiff or defendant, as going to trial might prove a far worse result than a settlement. 

6.   Jane learned not to be chatty in negotiations             Information gathering is a continuous part of negotiation.  One cannot know what the negotiation strategy of the other side when unusual circumstances arise is and it would be foolish to assume anything.  Never lie or spill out every stream of conscience thought.  Answer questions truly, directly, and discreetly, but do not volunteer anything more than asked.  Exchanges should be more like ping pong, short crisp strokes, and less like tennis with full wind ups and long follow through.

7.   Speak of as many of the other sides personnel as possible         As in the case of the campus police, it is important to your negotiation that you consult as many employees of the counterpart organization as time permits.  This is not unlike what you can learn from a site visit to a supplier. 

8. you_negotiate_it_sm  Never accept a “No” from someone who cannot say “Yes        I highlight this in my book  because of its importance.  The tired and transparent practice of assigning people with no power to “customer service” roles is a sign of poor management.  The equivalent situation here was having Lilly, a powerless and incompetent bureaucrat, fend off a determined father whose child had been wronged by the college.  Her superiors foolishly believed that they could hide their ill-conceived change of policy behind her skirt.   

In this case, I chose to play small ball with Lilly before pulling out the trump card and calling in the heavy artillery.  Lilly was so overwhelmed and fearful of her own failures that she was forced to seek reinforcements.  Had I stood pat on insistence of seeing the top dogs first, this negotiation might not have been so successfully.   

9.   The rules of negotiating with a bureaucracy are different      I learned this about 15 years ago when a client based in northern Quebec sent a private jet to gather executives around the US for a strategic planning session at headquarters.  I was the facilitator for the purchasing council and the only non-Canadian amongst a group of about a dozen people.  The company had built its own airstrip on site and had on-demand customs and immigration services.  Everyone else used the Canadian citizen line and was waved through by the officially dressed Douane, French for customs agent.  

It was only respectful that I wait for the citizens so at my turn, I brightly announced my name, produced my passport, and made small talk, all in French.  I have French-Canadian ancestry, was in French speaking Canada and thought I was doing the right thing.  The Douane only spoke English and was insulted that I was trying to show him up.  Of course, I harbored no such intent; his cap was labeled Douane and I thought he might not be able to speak English in this part of the province.   

I then needed to go through immigration.  He disappeared, made a cup of coffee, and I awaited the immigrations officer.  After an uncomfortable delay, the same man showed up except the label on his cap read, “Immigration”.  He had made me wait while he squeezed every last bit of his limited power out of this situation.  This is a great part of the reason why I endured negotiating with Lilly.   Here is where experience paid off.

10.                A very important lesson to always recognize is the truism that, litigation is the failure of negotiation.”  With negotiation, you are in control of your own destiny. In court, no matter how strong the case, the result is always unpredictable.  Here are some favorite quotes about juries attributed to the individuals named. 

  • When you to into a court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.  Norm Crosby
  • The jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.  Robert Frost
  • A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance  Herbert Spender
  • We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know o0f no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.   Dave Barry 
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